Revalations

This has been a tough week for me. I have finely felt a little over-whelmed with everything going on, and my new roles. I am a new mommy, which I love. I love my son and taking care of him. I love to see him grow and develop. I am about to be a wife, and I am basically a stay at home mom for the time. I am looking for a new job, which is stressful enough. All these new roles are fine one at a time, but the reason why I'm feeling over-whelmed is because all this is happening so fast now. The wedding is less then 2 months away, and there is so much left to do, all the little details, and it's driving me just a tad crazy. But I know everything will come together, its just getting there that's the problem.

Now, I have never really been the 'domestic' type, just ask my mom. I do not cook, and cleaning was never a priority to me, as long as there is not trash all over the ground ,the garbage is taken out regularly, I never really cared about dirty dishes, or sweeping the floor everyday. I know I'm a little clutter bug. It's something I have been working on myself to change. I've been doing a pretty good job keeping the house as clean as possible. I do have a tiny house with not a lot of storage space, so it's a little cluttered with baby stuff and everyday living. But if I or Logan has a bad day and I can't get everything I want to get done, I feel like such a failure. I really did not expect it to be this hard to keep the house going with Logan. People make it seem so easy. Valerie does such a great job, she manages everything, the house always looks so nice, the girls go out on many play dates, they are busier then I am, and they are only 3 and 1! Plus on top of all their busy plans, she still finds time to cook dinner, and bake wonderful perfect goodies. I just don't know how she does it. Valerie inspires me, she is one of the best moms I have ever known, and I can only hope to be half of the mom she is! But I am not my sister, I am just Natalie. I realized that I can't do it all, and that I need help. It is hard for me to admit that I need it. I want to be able to do this on my own. Don't ask me why I have such a need to be independent and do it on my own. Kevin does help me with the baby, giving me some time for myself, but at the same time, I can only focus on Logan. I almost feel like I am losing myself. I do not know who I am or who I am going to be. I think I am in a transition faze. I will have a new role as a wife and mother. It doesn't scare me, I want this, but I just don't know where I am going. That's the over-whelming feeling. I do not want to lose myself, I realize that people change after big changes in their lives, and I am doing the biggest changes a person can at the same time. Becoming a mother and wife...at the same time. It's over-whelming. It has been a long time coming I think. I think my mom will be happy that I am having this revelation. It has been just a little too easy for me. I know I will get through this and be a better mother, wife and person for it. I know I have all the support from my family and friends. Kevin is a great listener and knows when I need a break even before I do. I can call up my sisters anytime to talk. And my mom has always been there for me, and is helping me more then she knows with the wedding. I know she is doing everything in her power to make my day the best, most memorable day of my life. She is the best! It's nice just writing this stuff down, it helps put things back in perspective. I am not my mom, I am not my sister, I am just Natalie and I know that it may be raining now, but the sun will come out tomorrow, and my life will be great!